All the suffering in my life was real, it was breaking my life to the point of not wanting to live. I needed to realize that all my pain was real. I did not want to kill myself, but I did not have any reason to live purposely and connected to life. What was I holding inside? What made me break? Why would people not understand the weight of all the pain I was feeling?

All these pains accumulated were real, and the icing on the cake was the intense pain of a broken heart due to a breakup with a good friend (the only friend I thought could understand me fully, with the ugly, bad, and good; that one friend I could have an open and honest conversation with about anything, and willing to heal with me – our childhood traumas and life experiences). That was a huge loss for me, one of the biggest rejection experiences of my life. That event was followed by a breakup with my mother, sister and brothers, intensified with the exhaustion of a very demanding job with a toxic work environment and boss (career burn-out). That was not all; I was already carrying the weight of years of inner suffering due to repetitive life painful experiences, such as; childhood abuse and neglect, mother abandonment, family criticism and rejection, parents abusing alcohol, my father and uncle/step-father abuse and violence toward my mother, divorces, the responsibility as a single mother, and my continuous challenge with close relationships. All that resulted in a huge amount of rejection and shame from myself and others. I also felt guilty for not knowing how to accept a lot of things in my life.

A lot of people will tell you, “come on, that happened a long time ago”. Yes, this is true, but I never took the time to heal all those painful experiences from the past. Those hurts were living with me hidden, in silence and affecting my life deeply, and creating more pain over time.

Why did my pain not look real to others? Because I was a person who looked normal, successful and healthy. What people saw was just the outside mask I put on to survive in the real world, friends, and family. However, no one could see what I was truly feeling inside and why I was having all the drama in my personal life. No one could relate to the fact that my aggressive reactions and short temper toward events and people were the product of profound pain and suffering, something that became an illness.

I also learned to hide those pains with a demanding job and a materialistic life, and that created a personal life empty and without any fulfillment in my heart.

Yes, I was able to work and make good money but when I was at home, I was experiencing a deep sadness and no motivation to interact with my social world. The reality is that true wealth is inside and not in the bank or a job career success.

After months of feeling so empty, I decided to look for something that made me feel better, and one day sitting in my office the word India came to my mind. It was like a divine call and message. That day marked the beginning of dealing with all the suffering and an intense journey of healing. A journey that also brought deep pain and heartbreaking experiences so I could see the deep damage and the honest reality within me, my inner sensitives truths, and all the wrong things I was accepting from an abusive family.

You are the only person who can acknowledge and validate each of your pains. No one has the right to invalidate how you feel and what you need in your life. Honor the truths behind each painful experience and give it the importance that each of them has in your life to start your healing journey and a new life away from the same. You will find out you are not alone about the fact your pain is real and must be validated with empathy, love, care, compassion, and understanding.